Potty Training Troubleshooting: How One Mom Overcame Her Kid’s Withholding

We’re excited to start a new interview series on potty training troubleshooting, enuresis, encopresis, and other potty issues Constipation Gurus clients have overcome. We want you to hear from parents whose experiences may be similar to yours. You’ll learn what their experiences were like and what worked and didn’t work for them and their child.

In this interview, we speak with Stephanie, a mother who shares her journey through Charlie’s, her child, constipation, and withholding issues.

From trying various treatments to finally finding what worked, Stephanie’s story is filled with valuable insights and practical advice for other parents facing similar challenges. Let’s start at the beginning.

Q: When did your Charlie start having problems pooping?

A: It was when he turned one. Now in hindsight, I know it happened when we introduced dairy because prior to that, he was a totally normal kid.

Once we transitioned from formula to milk, that was his trigger. He just had hard stools. We would go to the pediatrician, and they would say, “Oh, he'll outgrow it,” or “Try a little less milk.” They never suggested cutting out the milk, which is what I should have done in hindsight.

Q: What were Charlie’s signs of withholding? What behaviors should parents look for?

A: At first, it was very subtle. As a one-year-old, I knew he was holding poop in because he would want to be held. He would get fussy. I actually liked holding him because he was one, and that was the only time he’d be still. So I was like, “I'll cuddle you”. Looking back, I realize I made it seem like pooping is an event where you need comfort from mom. I realize I shouldn’t have done that - reinforced that he needed mom comforting him to poop.

By the time he turned two, we had full-blown withholding. He’d walk with stiff legs, and he’d aggressively flap his hands. He’d try so hard not to let it out. You could just see all his focus was on that.

Q: What things did you try to help with Charlie’s issues?

A: I started with MiraLax on and off. I really wanted to limit the medication because I thought, “He shouldn't need this. I don't want to be giving my baby that.” He was only one year old.

Even the pediatric GI doctor we saw only recommended MiraLax.

We saw a functional medicine practitioner who got him on Calm Gummies, but she wanted him off some of the things that were actually helping him at the time. (More about that in a minute). I don’t think she appreciated how strong his withholding behavior was. She did get us to take out dairy, grains, and gluten. She had us do probiotics, herbals, etc. None of that was strong enough at that point because it was behavioral. He could hold in liquid for two, three, or four days!

We also tried chiropractic care, and he would go after treatment. But he’d still hold it in. It didn’t address the behavior.

We hired a potty training consultant who didn’t help either. They may work for others, but she didn’t work for us and Charlie.

Q: Looking back, what do you wish you’d know about medications and other options?

A: I wish I’d known there were so many other options, such as lactulose and mineral oil. I wish I’d known about magnesium a lot sooner.  I would have been so much more comfortable with magnesium.

A lot of doctors will talk about magnesium toxicity which is scary. But he needs such a small dose of magnesium. For him, it would have been fine.

The game-changer was Ex-Lax. I wish we’d started it sooner. The Ex-Lax got him to go daily. It’s still helping us now, and we’ll probably need it until he gets to the maturity level when he knows he needs to poop once a day. He’s getting there.

Q: What have you learned about diet’s role in constipation and withholding?

A: No amount of spinach and broccoli is going to fix Charlie holding in poop. He didn’t need the restrictive diet. Now we know he can have a little dairy and he can have grains and gluten and be OK.

I used to fixate on diets. But it’s not the diet; it’s the withholding behavior.

Q: How did you know he was ready to start potty training and what did you do to help with potty training troubleshooting to help him be more successful as a withholder?

A: Getting Charlie ready to go to preschool was the driver for us. Once we started potty training, it was just causing too much stress for all of us. We realized he needed another year and decided to do it gently.

Q: What was your approach to potty training?

A: I knew the first thing we had to do was get him pooping every day. We introduced the Ex-Lax for a couple of months before potty training to get him pooping every day. We didn’t care where he pooped. We got him to squat and poop in a diaper.

We also started doing all the cleanup in the bathroom. Regardless of where he pooped, he got cleaned up in the bathroom.

Actually, to get him to squat to poop was a harder transition than getting him to go in the potty. He would stand to poop, and standing is how he was able to clench and squeeze his legs to hold it in.

What I ended up doing was rewarding him with chocolates and jelly beans when he pooped. I still reward him with chocolates and jelly beans when he asks. It has started to phase out because pooping is becoming normal.

Eventually, he had no problems squatting because he could tell the poop comes out a lot easier once he squats.

Then we started “potty practice.

Q: Can you tell us about “potty practice”?

A: After he was pooping every day, we did what I called “potty practicing.”

We let him run around without a diaper or underwear on for a period of time. When he had to go, he’d tell me he had to go, or he’d run to the bathroom.

We started out with an hour of potty practice before bedtime. Then, we did that for a month. Then we did it from after dinner to bedtime for another month. The diaper would always be on when it wasn’t potty practice time. He never felt the pressure of not getting his diaper back.

We kept slowly increasing the intervals of potty practice.

Eventually, after his afternoon nap would be potty practice time until bedtime. We wouldn't put the diaper on, and he would go commando.

When we introduced the potty, he was never scared of the potty to poop because it was so gradual. He was just like, “Oh, I have to go.”  Somehow, he never equated the horror of pooping to the potty.

I would tell parents to do potty training in small increments and never take the diaper away completely.

It took six months of constant potty practice before we could say he was potty trained.

(CG: It’s important to know that potty training is a process that takes patience. It can take months or even a year or more.)

Q: Was there anything you used to make potty time fun?

A: We used potty toys. I made sitting on the potty a behavior so that when he woke up, he’d sit on the potty and he’d play with his potty toys. He could sit for however long he chose to sit — it was up to him. And I was like, you don't have to pee or do anything. We're just going to sit and see if anything happens.

There were three structured times for him to sit on the potty: after he woke up in the morning, after his nap, and before his bath.

We made it a fun, happy thing with potty toys. He had a basket of toys that he loved. He would just sit there and play with potty toys and read. We read lots of stories.

Q: What do you think led to your success with potty training?

A: I think it was the potty practicing that really did it. He didn't like to soil himself or ever be wet. I'm lucky. I know some kids don't care.

Q: Is Charlie making his own decisions to potty now, or are you still prompting him?

He doesn’t like to be told what to do. Even if I see him start to squirm or look like he has to go, I can't say anything. I have to let him make the decision. I trust him to make the decision and he usually makes the right decision, the right call.

Also, I'm not pushing the big potty. He's showing interest on his own. I just want him to be comfortable. Getting his poop out daily is the priority.

Q: What would you tell parents of withholders?

A: Learn to manage expectations. Like, I can't fix this in six months. Maybe it works for some kids, but not for mine. I know it's a maturity thing

Q: What lessons have you learned?

A: Looking back, I know a lot more things now. I wish I would have nipped the hard poops in the bud when he was a year old. Ex-Lax was the game-changer once he became afraid to have hard poops.

I’d tell parents to use stool softener early and nip it in the bud before it turns into withholding behavior.

And then, I would tell other parents don't be afraid of the medicine. That was a big thing. My desire to keep him off medicines, I think inherently has kept him on them for much longer.

Just give it a try. If it's not MiraLAX then there's so many other alternatives. There can't just be one thing.

(CG: We say in the course that handling constipation in kids three and under and over five is easy. In kids who are three and four years old, resolving constipation is harder. )

Q: What about Poop Bootcamp?

A: Poop Bootcamp was huge! Joining the Constipation Crew has been a huge help.

It was worth listening to the parents in the Constipation Crew. Go and use the forums.

I remember taking your course. That was huge. That gave me the courage to give him the Ex-Lax.  Ex-Lax was one of the things that just turned everything around for us.

Q: Is there anything else you’d like to add?

A: Yes! Take care of your own mental health because this will affect you.

I never thought I'd be so obsessed with the bowel movements of my child. Remember, this too shall pass. Once you learn how to get the poop out, what the tools are, and what the safe dosages are, it'll be fine.

And so don't be afraid of the medicine.

(CG: As a bonus in the course, there’s a recorded session with a mental health professional to give you more resources to take care of yourself and your own mental health.)

Want to Learn More About Poop Bootcamp?

Poop Bootcamp is our signature program to get your kiddo pooping consistently, without pain. Once they’re easily pooping, then you can start potty training and be successful! You also get access to our private Facebook group, live Q&As with us, and tools and handouts we use in our clinic.

Poop Bootcamp has been a game-changer for so many others whose kids are constipated. And, if your kid is struggling with potty training, it can help with your potty training troubleshooting. Join and start learning about how to improve your child’s constipation, withholding, encopresis, and enuresis today!